it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
