You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
