dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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