And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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