So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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