I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
