You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
