Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
