dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
