She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
