so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
