yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
