fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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