I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
