you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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