Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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