If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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