I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
