Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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