You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
