so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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