All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
