wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
