And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
