I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
