Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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