Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
