your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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