So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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