Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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