it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
