I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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