Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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