Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
