hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
