Im at strip club and am horny
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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