Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Someone came in the potted fern
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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