I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
