My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
