You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
