there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
