TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
