who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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