I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
