did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
