I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
