Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
