forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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