Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
