I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
