THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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