Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
