the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
