Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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