The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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