Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
