goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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