I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
