Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
