I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
