Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am midnight drunk by noon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
