May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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