Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
