I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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