It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
