My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
