If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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