$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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