Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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