dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
