remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we're so committed to being not committed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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