He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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