When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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