also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
