chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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