i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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