ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
