Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
