it was like eating out sand paper
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
