Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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