i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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