Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
