Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
