U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize