i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
