I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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