The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
